The Leap of Faith

I have had other opportunities to climb the pamper poll. The last time was watching a cancer survivor be the first in the group to climb. He made it to the top but then struggled to stand on top before he jumped. Watching his legs shake, the hesitations, and his determination quickly brought me to the conclusion that I did not have a need to climb the poll.

 Yesterday, I knew it was my turn to climb the 40 foot poll. In the midst of a breeze I could feel the poll swaying. The climb was not hard to the top. The real task was to balance and stand on the top. I had no natural senses, reactions or experiences that could guide me. I tried, but ended up hugging the poll, than letting my crotch rest on top of the poll, okay, not the most comfortable position! Slowly, carefully, with an audience below, trying to only focus upward, I stood. Mini shuffle steps turned me towards the trapeze. On the count of 3 and the word jump, I had no choice because Sara, on the belay rope would be pulling on the rope attached to my back.

 I made the leap of faith, and somewhat to my surprise hung from trapeze. It was my day. My time. Happy, proud, but a bit smug… as if my maleness needed to proclaim, “of course I would do it.”